Poem: critique, comment, what do you think?

I like the overall feel, but I wonder about the anachronisms like "hath" and "thy." If you're going to use archaic terms anywhere in the poem then you need to be consistent. You can't follow up on "thy heart" with "the comet you ploy." It would have to be "the comet thou ployest." Also, "ploy" isn't a verb unless you're in Surinam. It's a good start though.